Appropriate self-disclosure
Talking a lot about oneself early in a conversation can annoy your acquaintances. Discussing fairly neutral subjects or asking general questions about your acquaintance can be a good way to encourage relationship progression. Disclosing personal information is often best introduced when relating to what your acquaintance has discussed. However, this level of disclosure is one of the more difficult social skills for many to harness. Generally, facts that are positive and small are best received early in relationships.
Building rapport
Rapport is basically a sense of connection that occurs in a positive social interaction. Acquaintances in this situation feel a sense of understanding and some similarity. Seemingly small things that can contribute greatly to rapport include mirroring:
Style of speech
Appreciating what one another has said
Posture and/or similar movements
Active listening
Rapport cannot be forced, but can be encouraged naturally by being more interested in learning about your acquaintance’s thoughts and feelings, than fulfilling a need to express one’s own thoughts. Often counseling for this begins with exploring whether or not there is an unmet need for which the client tries to meet in their interactions. This is a very common source for social disconnection. When this occurs, conversations begin to have an agenda, and the acquaintance is often “turned off” by this agenda. Learning to notice this agenda when it occurs, and how to stop the agenda can greatly benefit social relationships.
Empathy
Being able to empathize with your acquaintance is key to any healthy interaction. To empathize is to care and understand about what he/she is experiences, and to be able to be emotionally present for him/her to express. This is different from sympathy where one shares in the emotional distress of another’s experiences.
Listening skills
Listening skills are integral to all social interactions as they promote the acquaintance to feels heard and appreciated. The following are some basic listening skills:
- Give your full attention to your acquaintance. If you feel that your mind is wandering, try changing your physical position, and focusing on the words of the speaker.
- Don’t interrupt as you might offend your acquaintance.
- Allow a moderate pause after your acquaintance has completed speaking before you respond. A lack of waiting can cause your acquaintance to feel that you weren’t listening, but rather just waiting for him/her to complete their sentence.
- Pay attention to key phrases that summarize what has been said (e.g. “so all in all...”). This helps you to understand the most important part of what has been said.
- Reflect back to the speaker what has been said. This both shows that you are listening, and helps to clarify if you missed something.
- Ask questions. This is one of the easiest ways to make your acquaintance feel that you are interested in what he/she has to say.
- Exhibit appropriate facial cues (e.g. smiling at something positive; frowning about something negative).
- Be wary of giving unsolicited advice. Most interactions are not looking for advice, and providing it without being asked can “turn-off” many acquaintances.
- Make listening noises (e.g. “huh”, “oh”, “wow”, “yeah”). This just reinforces to the speaker that you care about what he/she has to say.
Relaxing during interactions
There are many relaxation techniques that can help individual remain calm during social interactions. Some common examples include deep breathing beforehand and having something to play with during the interaction (e.g. water bottle). However, the techniques vary greatly between individuals. One of the best ways to reduce anxiety for most clients, however, is to practice, practice, practice. Often Social Skills classes or Social Anxiety Group Therapy can be a great place to meet others who are working on this skill set. To explore joining a class or a group, please visit www.SeattleGroupTherapy.com.
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